Coaching Alpha Males
Coaching alpha males is slowly but surely becoming my niche, and I haven't figured out (just yet) why. Is it because my father is an alpha? Is it because I grew up with more male friends than female ones and I understand them better?
I have reflected on it for a long time now, also asked my friends and my partner, who is also an alpha. I asked him: "Why do you think these alpha males listen to me?" (I'm especially surprised by Arab men).
He said: "You are very respectful, and you are not trying to change them, only tame them. Isn't that what you have been trying to do with me for the past 10 years?" (with not much success:-))
Peterson's quote came to my mind: "A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control". I actually believe in that.
And this is what these alphas are. Dangerous, highly intelligent, confident, and successful, men who aren't happy unless they're the top dogs.
So why do they need coaching or taming? Because their strengths can make them very challenging and frustrating to work with. Their strengths need to be brought under control. The alphas I've worked with think very fast, have opinions about everything, and they rarely admit that those opinions might be wrong or incomplete.
It seems that nature has the answer to everything. You balance masculine with feminine. But that feminine energy must be paired with high intelligence and confidence to challenge them whilst allowing them to be vulnerable. Alphas will not tolerate anybody to challenge them with lesser intelligence or somebody who is intimidated by them.
Taming or balancing out their strengths is essential, especially when alphas are wounded. Hurt alphas can cause severe damage to the people around them in the form of dominance, aggression, and control.
A confident & non-judgmental feminine energy provides alphas with a safe place and me, the coach, with a very short window of opportunity to get through to them. I use these few minutes (whilst they are open) to get them to honestly reflect on their behaviour and how they impact others and themselves.
Since they are highly intelligent and have an extraordinary introspective ability that helps the conversation. They list all their shortcomings and strengths with great clarity because they have all the info about themselves.
They are often labelled as arrogant, bullies, unemotional, cut-throat, and even narcissists. I often find non of that is true. They are isolated (often because of their strengths) & misunderstood especially in a world where masculine energy is becoming a reprehensive trait.
But we need these men not only in organizations but in societies too. We need decision-makers, people who are comfortable with high-level responsibilities and who can pick up their own and other people's burdens and carry them because this is what alphas do.
Don't change alphas. Tame them! That is a much better version of them.