What You Learn is Up to You Stop Blaming Others

We know that children of alcoholic parents, for example, often follow the path of their parents, and only the minority go the opposite direction. The same happens with everything around us, including leadership.

So what differentiates those who, despite seeing and being surrounded by wrong behaviour, choose not to follow? Personality, willpower, IQ and other things come into play to not be swallowed up by one's circumstances.

Those people choose to learn what not to do instead of what to do.

They are individual thinkers likely to be on the introverted side of the personality spectrum.

I have seen it with leaders and managers, too. Some experienced poor leadership and abusive management practices, and they continued that behaviour by saying, "I went through the same", "Everyone else is doing it," or "We have always done that."

I know HR Directors illegally taking money away from their employees (charging them recruitment costs), and when you challenge them, the answer is, "Everyone is doing it."

These are the examples when you see what the person is made of.

The minority go beyond and above, ensuring they will not continue the bad behaviour and do the exact opposite. They have the inner power to say, "No, this is not the right thing to do," and the willingness to do better. They do bloody hard inner work and are positively shaped by their circumstances.

In every situation, whether it is growing up with parents with addictions or in abusive relationships, seeing poor leadership, or behaviour such as littering, swearing or being a racist, you can choose to learn what not to do.

Choosing to follow what is presented to you most of the time is a lazy approach and says a lot about you as a person. So be careful when you say things like, "I do this because this is the example I saw". This is the definition of not taking responsibility and accountability for your actions and behaviour.

Have you ever thought about your leaders and managers from this angle? These people are the most detrimental to organisations because they have decided not to think, take responsibility and be the followers of others. They are easily swayed by bad practices and poor, often unethical behaviours. These are the people you don't want to have on your team.

You can choose what you want to learn from any situation, so stop blaming others and your circumstances.