Listening is an art, and we are often delusional about our listening skills. Leaders and managers are often told they don't listen however, when asked, they always say, "I listen all the time".
So, how do we know if we are good at listening?
There is one clear sign that we can use to test our listening skills, and it is super simple. Psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists are trained to do this because it is hard!
You are a good listener if people keep talking to you.
When they keep coming back to you with their problems, joys, achievements, failures, and whatever happens to them. They love sharing them with you because you are receiving them.
Do you know those comments or arguments at work or with your friends and family when we say, "I'll just keep quiet there is no point", or "I told you many times I am not going to repeat it."
When people stop talking, it is a clear sign that you are not a great listener. When managers don't know about lingering problems, their staff are unhappy, or are surprised by their resignation, it is all about not listening.
Being surprised by a resignation is always a red flag to me. If you paid attention, you should have picked up on that. People tell you in many ways that they are out. If you have a good relationship with them, they will tell you straight up, "Hey, im looking for something else". Not necessarily because they are unhappy but because they want something else.
Do your teams, friends, family, partner, husband/wife keep talking to you about important matters? If so, you are a good listener. If they only talk about daily boring stuff well, it may be that you are not listening.
When people don't listen to what you have to say, stop talking!