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Corporate Math

We have girls' and boys' math, and now the internet provides corporate math, so pay attention. It will make you laugh on Sunday and ponder the truth behind these math equations. They certainly had me chuckle.

But what is girl math? "At its core, girl math is a send-up of the patriarchal stereotype that women don't understand how money works or can't be trusted with it. Most girl math-ers know the strategy is silly as hell, and that's kind of the point."

So let's look at corporate math that is silly as hell, but we are doing it! Corporate math:

  • Is expecting 5 people to do the job of 9 people

  • Is laying off people at the right time for your balance sheet to look great

  • Is having your workforce constantly work overtime but keep saying nobody wants to work

  • Is sending your leadership team on an expensive retreat without paying the salaries on time

  • Is asking people to be creative while maintaining the status quo

  • Is hiring highly qualified people but not allowing them to use their expertise

  • Is to preach about strong corporate ethics only to promote those to VP level who actively steal from employees by implementing illegal contracts

  • Is talking about how important employees are but doing everything to show the opposite

  • Is asking employees for their feedback but ignoring them all or explaining why they are wrong

  • Is having a corporate value of "Tell it as it is", but when people do, we fire them

  • Is having Trust as your corporate value but saying, "We want people back in the office because we don't trust them to work at home."

  • Is talking about employee wellbeing but not stoping the practices that make employees unwell

  • Is saying we cannot do the raise and the title right now, but you need to do the job of your superior, and we can discuss it again next year

  • Is expecting people to be happy with cake, pizza, and paper certificates instead of bonuses at the end of the year

  • Is rewarding millions of profit with Friday doughnuts and coffee

  • Is making record profits but not able to afford a raise because of the economy or because it is not in the budget

  • Is expecting your staff to be highly competent while not having any training provided

  • Is to teach people about authentic and personalised communication while they have to read the script when answering calls otherwise, they fail the audit

  • Is making one person do the job of three and blaming their failure on their lack of prioritisation or time-management skill

  • Is setting goals in January, then never looking at them again until the annual appraisal is due, and then rating people on it

  • Is asking people to demonstrate and learn competencies that have no proof of you performing better if you do

  • Is talking about the change you want to make as a senior leader while knowing that you will play it safe to keep your job because you are in it only for the money

  • Is paying average salaries but expecting excellent work

  • Is giving unlimited time off but shaming workers who take more than the generally accepted time off

  • Is refusing to give a 10% rise on a 60K salary, then losing them and having to hire a 120K consultant

  • Is refusing a rise only to hire someone who will cost much more

  • Is firing the people for who they are while having the slogan above the entrance, "Come as You Are"

  • Is asking you to create action plans for enhancing employee & customer experience only for your boss to tell you, "I don't take experience to the bank, I take money, so give me money"

  • Is spending more time creating PowerPoint presentations than doing the job you are paid for because meetings are understood as work

  • Is preaching the importance of leadership but promoting unqualified/trained managers and leaders and not budgeting for their development

  • Is forcing people to get back to the office due to productivity concerns while having the highest productivity rate

  • Is preaching about diversity, but when we look around, they are all the same

  • Is asking for loyalty while we decide who we fire by looking at a spreadsheet with no names, just packages

  • Is investing in one-off training and expecting lasting results

  • Is not having enough money to do it right but having enough money to do it wrong over and over again

  • Is scheduling meetings back-to-back all day and asking why the job is not done

  • Is paying hundreds of thousands for strategy creation but never executing any

  • Is crying about poor customer service, and instead of hiring people who serve customers, we hire another 5 senior executives to create a strategy that will never be executed

  • Is expecting people to work 50h a week but paying for 40h

  • Is believing that if we buy 5 people $20 dollar worth of pizza once a month, they will do the job of 9 people

  • Is asking to be who you are, but then they tell you how to behave on your first day

  • Is requesting a long list of skills and education but never allowing you to use them

  • Is emphasising the importance of trust while making plans to lay off staff and start rehiring in 3 months time

  • Is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results

If we admitted all the nonsense we do, maybe then we could start making a real difference in organisations.

What else would you add????

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